Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Top 10 brilliant song lyrics since 1980.

Here's a little look (in no particular order) of some lyrical gold we've received from the music industry over the last quarter of a century:

10. 'Word to your moms I came to drop bombs'

Song: Jump Around
Artist: House of Pain
Year: 1992

This line makes no bones about it's business. HoP is here to assault your ears with lyrical goodness that is sure to make your parents yell "turn down that racket". 1992 was a different time, a simpler time where it was acceptable to rhyme moms with bombs and parachute pants were still dope.


9. 'Like Haagen- Dazs you hit the spot / You Make me scream cause you got a lot'

Song: Sexiest Woman Alive
Artist: O-Town
Year: 2001

This lyric narrowly beat out 50-Cent's 'I love you like a fat kid loves cake'. It was very close, but in the end O-Town pulled ahead because of how they brilliantly leveraged product placement with a debut tiny bopper CD.

I wonder how much they got paid by Haagen Dazs...

8. 'If I was invisible, then I could just watch you in your room.'

Song: If I was Invisible
Artist: Clay Aiken
Year: 2003

Clay Aiken not only ranks in at number 8, but he also wins the creepy stalker award. Rumor has it the original lyrics went something like "If I was invisible, then I could just watch you in your room...while you got undressed, and then I'd steal some of your unmentionables", but the producer just didn't think that would fly.

This particular song also gets bonus points for being grammatically incorrect in a technical sense. The proper word to use is in that particular situation is "were". Also, since was and were are both one syllable words, it wouldn't have really affected the song to be grammatically correct.

7. 'He was a boy, she was a girl. Can I make it any more obvious?'

Song: Sk8er Boi
Artist: Avril Lavigne
Year: 2002

Hailing from Napanee, (well known for it's rich and longstanding skater culture) Avril gives us this lyrical gem of stupidity in a song. Can you make it anymore obvious? Well, Avril, unless they'll let you show us their 'wee-wees' and 'who-ahs', probably not. I know this one is kinda weak, but Avril gets bonus points for being retarded.

6. 'You make me wanna la la'

Song: La La
Artist: Ashlee Simpson
Year: 2004

I don't think I need to explain the stupidity of the aforementioned song or specific lyric, as it's readily apparent. However, if I were a betting man, I would put good money on the fact that I'm not the only one that hopes that by "la la" Ashlee means "asyphixiate myself with the shrink wrap from one of my albums"

5. 'there ain't no party like an S Club party'

Song: S Club Party
Artist: S Club 7
Year: 2000

Does anyone over the age of 13 actually want to go to an "S Club Party"? I really doubt it. It sounds a bit duller than an PCP party (that's 'parents, chips and pop' party for the uninitiated). I'm pretty sure if you actually did show up to one, it'd be just like the song...a bunch of vague, new-age like affirmations and niceties about how we're all generally good and special.

4. 'If you get down on me, I'll get down on you'

Song: Get Down
Artist: B4-4
Year: 2000

I remember when this song hit the radio. I also remember thinking: 'Am I the only one who realizes how sketchy the lyrics to this song are?'. Sure it sounds all sugary sweet, but just reading the lyrics without the poppy music...it's not quite the same now is it? Yes, clearly this is the message we need to be passing on to the 13 year-olds of the generation....good message...riiiiight.

3. 'I'll ask 21 questions, and they all about us'

Song: 21 Questions
Artist: 50 Cent
Year: 2003

Fitty, obviously failed basic mathematics. There are not 21 questions in this song, and no matter how you look at it, you can't arrive at 21 questions....graaaah.

2. 'I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger'

Song: Golddigger
Artist: Kanye West
Year: 2005

Right, you aren't saying she is a gold digger...just that she has all the qualities of a gold digger. Kayne, you're a moron, and you seem to think you are Jesus. You're not...seriously.

1. 'I gotta shake it off, cause the loving ain't the same..'

Song: Shake it Off
Artist: Mariah Carey
Year: 2005

In this song, Mariah tries to paint us a imaginative picture of how her 'man is doin' her wrong'. Mariah, you're not fooling anyone. We haven't forgotten that you're crazier than this lady (in obviously different ways). You can change your name to Mi Mi, but that won't make you any less mentally imbalanced!



There you have it, I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing.

3 Comments:

Nicoleeee said...

Haha. That was great.

6:12 AM

 
dark_phoenix said...

Several of the aforementioned songs often make *me* wish to be asphyxiated upon hearing them... :P lol.

8:41 AM

 
amtonio said...

good one dave ...

9:51 PM

 

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